Tell Me What to Do
by RT4ever
Summary: I'm sorry to those reading who don't like Robin, trust me when it was Robin v. Carly I was once straight out Carly...but know after the years have passed and that connection bw JC has been lost...I dunno anymore
1. Looking into your own eyes

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Tell Me What to Do

The Prologue

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The months had passed slowly since Carly was freed from her imprisonment. However, life hadn't been the same for any of those involved. It had taken more background and research to be done on Ric before she was freed; it uncovered more than anyone expected. Ric Lansing had an alias Richard Williams, just over a year ago Richard Williams had the world, he had a wife and a daughter and his life was good, he was a pillar of his community. He had started out as a district attorney, but soon realized he wanted to be there to watch his little girl grow up. He was a partner in his law firm, the youngest one they'd ever had and his life was going smoothly until his father, who he loved, but he never wanted to be like had asked for his help.

His friend, his associate Luis Alcazar wanted to break away from his family business, the family business; he had fallen in love and wanted to change his world to better suit her, as many people in love or obsession do. This had been four years ago, three years from when Richard's life fell apart. Richard went to work for him; it gave him more time to spend on worthwhile cases, helping the underprivileged, helping coach his daughter's soccer team and spending more time with his beloved Julia. Then one day when he'd flown in with new contracts for Luis to sign he was taken to a room and for hours he was beaten as Luis yelled at him for betraying him. It wasn't until his beating was over and he thought death was near lying on the moldy prison mattress that Luis told him how he'd betrayed him. He'd betrayed him by sharing the same blood as his enemy, a man Richard had never met and only knew that he had an older brother named Michael, who was the reason his mother had never been by his side and he was left to be raised by a string of nannies who only changed with only a slightly higher frequency than his string of stepmothers. 

He had only been there for 3 weeks when Luis came in seemingly remorseful and full of sorrow and told him his wife had taken an entire bottle of Valium and his little girl after coming home from school had discovered her mother covered in her own vomit who had been dead for hours, next to her lay a note saying how she couldn't face a world without Rich, he had been by her side since she was 18. In the time before and after that Luis had had filled his head with stories of Sonny, pictures of the children of the men he'd killed, stories of how he'd gotten his own wife and child killed because he wanted another, worse he wanted a model, not the sweet school teacher he had promised to love forever. For months Luis filled his head with these stories, these stories that became half truths and finally facts, and then they came. 

Jason and Carly, she loved him, Sonny that is, that was clear. Sonny apparently had chased after the model again, once more forgetting he had a wife and child at home to protect, something Rich would have never forgotten. She was spoiled, selfish, even immature, but she just like Jason was loyal to this man who had run off from them with his model. They escaped and days later he was released, his father had realized what had happened at that the car accident that had taken place in the neighboring town didn't contain Richard, but an unfortunate young fellow who had decided to set off on his own, with no real plan in site, which made locating him very difficult for his worried family and their search made Trevor realize his own child might still be alive. 

There was one thought that had kept Richard going in those long, lonely and terrifying months and that was his sweet Sam, his darling, little Samantha. As the door opened to the house of his wife's sister, with whom Sam had been staying with, his daughter stopped in her tracks and he saw into her eyes and he saw fear, he saw hatred, he saw a total absence of the overwhelming love she had once had for him and she ran off. Whenever he tried to go near her after that she'd run off or scream, whenever anyone tried to talk to her about him, she'd cover her ears and sing or grow so icily quiet that they had to stop because they couldn't stand the sound of their own voice combined with that deafening silence. So within days of returning back into the town where he'd once been so loved and was now greeted with such fakeness he couldn't figure how to respond, he left. 

He became Ric Lansing for the first time since he left for college when he was 17, he had only one mission and that was to make his 'brother' suffer just as he had. Of course, he couldn't kill his wife or his girlfriend because that still wasn't in him, but he knew given enough time he would find a way to destroy him as completely as he himself had been destroyed. 

Of course he hadn't counted on Elizabeth, she made him want to forget all of that, and she made him want to become a good guy again. But he couldn't let his family down like that, he had to seek vengeance on behalf of his little girl who had found her mother covered in that filth and INXS's "Beautiful Girl" coming from the stereo which was set on repeat and the same guitar he had used when he sung that to her freshman year in college was propped up next to it. 

When he found out Liz was pregnant, he knew he couldn't go through any plans of revenge, he knew he couldn't jeopardize her life or that of their child and he finally realized he had to allow himself to live again, and to live meant that he had to let go of the anger. When Liz 'fell' though, he knew it wasn't over and when he received a package from one of his former partners containing the full details of Julia's death, everything his father had excluded telling him, he knew that he had to because not only had Ric lost six months of his life, which he didn't really care about, not only did he lose his wife, not only did his daughter spend 2 days a week in therapy and refuse to acknowledge her father as being alive, he had lost two children because of this man who shared his blood. Julia had been 6 weeks pregnant when she had taken the bottle of pills, destroying any chance Ric ever had of having a real again. 

So he set his plans in motion, and watched them crumple when Jason uncovered the truths about his past. Ric didn't try to run when he came in and found Jason and Sonny in the living room with the wall open exposing his secret to the world.

He just looked at them blankly, "I had too because there are times when you have to become something you hate_. Being your brother destroyed my life_. So I had to destroy yours. I didn't care that I was their pawn, **I couldn't let it go**. At least it's over now. It's finally over."

"You have a child Ric, a little girl" Sonny says trying to understand

Ric shakes his head and cuts him off "I had a little girl, I had sweet little daughter who adored me and now when she sees me or hears my voice or even my name mentioned she screams, she runs away. Imagine having your life slowly ripped apart, not suddenly destroyed, slowly, like flesh being torn from your skin, you almost felt it, but it wasn't….

Ric shakes his head, Sonny hadn't even come close to what he'd felt, what he'd gone through, "One day it's perfect, the next your taken from those you love, three weeks later your wife kills herself because she thinks your dead. _Imagine_ surviving those long months that followed because of your child, your flesh and blood. _Imagine_ hearing her screams and seeing her run when she sees your face. _Imagine_ falling in love again, the complete impossibility of falling in love again, the prospect of having a normal life again, allowing yourself **to live again** to only have it ripped away again. Another child lost and you find out it truly is another child lost because your wife had been pregnant when she killed herself. You realize there really aren't second chances in this life. My entire life I tried to become something I could be proud to be, someone my father could respect, someone my mother would be proud to call her son, but any chance I had of being him died before I even got a chance to want to be him because **_I was born your brother_**_."_

Sonny just stared at him

"At least it's going to be over now. Do me a favor though, don't really have any right to ask, but can you tell Liz I really did love her and I really did want to be that man again for her, but it was just too late for me."

"I'm not going to kill you"

"What?" Jason and Ric said in unison.

"Sonny, I kidnapped your wife, I plotted to keep your child from you."

Sonny shook his head, trying to ignore how easy it would be to give into Ric's pleas to kill him, "Why did you do that? Why didn't you just kill her? Or shove her down a flight of stairs like you believe I did to our mother, like you believe I did to Elizabeth?"

"I refuse to become that much like you, I refuse to take any life because I had the misfortune of sharing your blood. _I can only go so far Sonny._ I hated having to punish people like I had been punished, but at least she chose you, I didn't even get that much, my fate was decided from birth."

Jason raised up his gun and aimed it at Ric

"Don't Jason" Sonny ordered

"Why the hell not? Give me one good reason? Don't you dare say your mother."

Just then a shot was fired and Ric fell to the floor clutching his stomach.

Sonny ran towards him as Carly came in holding the gun. He looked at Carly in a way he had never looked at another as he tore off his coat and applied pressure with one hand as he hit 911 on his cell phone. There were many emotions as he looked at her, but most importantly was the fact that not only was Ric his flesh and blood, not only had their mother left one child for what she thought was the best for them both, was that how different were he and Ric? Ric had set out his own to try and prove that he was nothing like his father; Ric lived for his family because he hadn't one of his own before. Sonny had no idea what he would do if he was put into a situation like Ric was. _He couldn't imagine surviving that_, he couldn't imagine the man he'd become if he was forced into it. 

As he barked orders into the phone he pressed down with both of his hands hoping not to watch his brother die before his very eyes because it would be like watching a part of him die. As he looked into those eyes, he saw fear that very few men could hide in their final moments, "Make sure Liz knows…" he started coughing, he turned his head and out came the blood. Sonny didn't know what else to do, but turn to Jason and pray he would do something that would stop him from seeing this. He could do nothing else but sit on the floor and watch the life bleed from the man his mother ended up giving up her life to protect and wishing that he could switch places with him.


	2. Past, Present and Future

**Chapter 2**

"Hi" she said looking up from her Barbies from where she was playing with them on the living room floor. 

He couldn't speak for a moment as his eyes connected with what he imagined his mother's face looked like as a child, as he always imagined his child with Lily looked like. The dark locks curled halfway down her back and spilled forward over her shoulders as she played, the dark eyes penetrated deep into his soul and the smile made his world light up. "Hi there, what are you doing?"

"Playing, I know I'm getting too old for Barbies, but…"

"Nah," he said sitting down "you're never too old for make-believe."

She smiled at him and continued to study him

"What?" he asked giving her a smile and like all females those dimples put her at ease

"Nothing" she said shaking her head and mirroring his dimples on her own face "Don't worry, I'm not going to ask you to play. My dad would always try so hard, but boys and dolls, never do mix." Then there a smaller smile within her previous smile, the hint of a memory shown upon her face, "He was a great tea party guy though."

"What happened to your dad?"

"He died, just like my mom. He was on business and his car went off the road, my mom died of a broken heart, _she loved him so much_, he was her world, he always had been, she used to say she didn't start living until he was in her world." She shook her head and blinked to release the tears that had formed in her eyes and quickly wiped them away "I'm never going to love anyone so much I'd rather die than be without them," She gave a quick smile, "but I promised Grandpa I would love."

"There isn't much reason to living without love."

"My grandpa said that too." She shook her head and then patted down her Barbie dolls hair, looking up at him she smiled once more, "Do you want to see them?"

"Who?"

"My parents"

He nodded, expecting her to bring a photo album instead she walked over to the large tv, she turned it and pushed in a tape. 

_Suddenly Ric was before him in a way Sonny had never seen before and had only seen glimpses of with Elizabeth. He was smiling and his eyes showed something Sonny hadn't seen before, they showed Ric happy and truly alive. "Aww come on, you know I hate being on that thing."_

_"Yet you love shoving it in our faces" A woman's voice said teasingly from behind the camera._

_"Who wouldn't want to capture those beautiful faces on film?"_

_He moves forward to grab her, but she runs off and for the first time Sonny sees that they are on a boat. She turns back and captures him laughing. _

_"Kay Jules, what would you like me to do?"_

_"Hmmm" she pretends to ponder "Gimme a dance"_

_His eyes change, into a more teasing, seductive ones "For that I need you" he says as he extend his hands._

_Shaking the camera she laughs, "Nuh uh mister. I want this on film"_

_"Well I need a partner" he pretends to look baffled then suddenly scoops up an even younger version of the young girl sitting next to Sonny._

_She squeals "Ahh Daddy" and suddenly Ric is waltzing with his daughter in his arms. "**Mommy** tell him this isn't what you meant."_

_"Well what does she mean?" Ric says looking deep into his daughter's eyes._

_"The Macarena" she says suddenly smiling even brighter_

_"Shall we do it for her?" He says placing his daughter down._

_She nods and they began to sing it together (missing most of the words) accompanied by Julia's laughter. Ric kept looking over at his daughter copying her moves and his smile never left. They did it once and as they reached the end of it for the second time. Ric turned his butt to the camera and shook it so ridiculously that camera woman doubled over in laughter as did his dance partner._

Sam hit pause but continued to look at the screen, frozen on it was an image of Ric hugging her as she laughed. "My dad's favorite place was the boat. He hated being trapped inside. He loved the garden too or playing soccer or softball with me. He said that growing up most of his nannies kept him in his rooms because it was easier for them. He had one stepmother who tried getting in good with my grandpa and claimed she wanted to be a real mom to him, he was only 5 so my grandpa got rid if his nanny who had been with my dad since he was a baby. One day my grandpa came home early and found her asleep, so he went looking for my dad. He found him in the attic, she tried to say that he had locked himself in there, but the key was on the outside. Grandpa said he must have been in there for hours, my dad finally told him years later that she would do it all the time, but he thought that's what mothers do because he had never had one before."

She grew quiet and Sonny struggled for words to say "I bet you and your mom made up for all of that, didn't you?"

"My dad used to say that too." She turned and looked into his eyes. "I had this dream once that my dad came home. I saw him walking up the pathway from my window and ran downstairs to him. The door opened and the man standing there wasn't my dad. I could see it in his eyes. Everything in him was dead, he wasn't my dad, my dad was happy, my dad had so much love in him for everything. He wouldn't get angry, he always full of laughter and kisses and hugs. He said that there was too much beauty in this world for him to not be happy. _That man wasn't my dad_."

"Your dad loved you very much"

"He still does, and I still love him, just like I love my mom"

"You're a very smart little girl"

She smiles once more "I know"

"You know we haven't been properly introduced"

"I know who you are"

He smiles "Oh do you really? Who am I?"

"You're Michael"

He's stunned for a moment "How did you know that?"

"When my dad found out his mom was alive he went looking for her, he was only like 10, but my dad was smart."

"Like his daughter"

She nods "She told him that she had to do what was best for him. She sent you out for ice cream with him and told you to stay with him until his dad came."

Sonny vaguely remembered something about that, he remembered a little scrawny kid telling all of these totally cheesy jokes, he also remembered what it felt like to just be out of the house and acting like a normal kid. "Did he hate me?" He wondered if he should ask a little kid a question like that, but he had no one else to ask.

She smiled and she had this knowing smile, full of wisdom beyond her years "No," she shook her head "He thought you were really cool, he said you listened to him. He wasn't angry with you. He had his dad; you had your mom and that was all either of you had. He said he understood that sometimes things can't be perfect. We don't live in a perfect world."

"Samatha" her aunt said walking into the room "Karate practice" she says looking at the clock on the wall. "I'm sorry" she says turning to Sonny

"No it's okay, I understand" He turned his attention back to Sam as he stood up "It was very nice meeting you Samantha" he said extending a hand

She laughed at him and allowed him to encompass her small hand within his. "It was very nice meeting you too Michael." She almost turned away, but then she stopped and asked him a question she already knew the answer to, "I'm not going to see you again, am I?"

He shook his head "One time deal."

Looking down at her was like looking down upon his mother, "In that case" she said with a smile "Let me do something my dad couldn't do." She hugged him, she hugged him tightly and Sonny knew not only was she doing something her father could never do, she was saying good-bye to her father. He hugged her back and when she stopped she looked up and said "Good-bye Uncle Mike" with those dimples that Sonny knew would stop everyman's heart that would ever look at her.

"Good-bye Sam"

With that she left the room and Sonny left the house.


	3. What happens next?

Chapter 3

"Does a part of you grieve for her?"

Jason looked down at Sonny who was squatting in front of Karen Wexler's grave still holding the yellow tulips he'd gotten in hands. Flowers for the dead were still something Jason couldn't comprehend; Robin had once told him that it brought comfort to the living. "I only met her a couple of times Sonny, I didn't really know her."

Sonny shook his head "That's not what I meant. Inside of you, is there some small hidden part that's crying, that's grieving for her, she was Jason Quartermaine's first girlfriend, his first love."

"I'm not him though Sonny."

"But you were…" Sonny looked confused staring at her grave, seeing the numbers that read an age younger than his own. Somewhere in Massachusetts there were similar numbers that belonged to another that caused these questions to be raised in Sonny's head. "I don't understand this world any more Jason, I just don't get it. Nothing makes sense anymore nothing goes how it's supposed to."

Jason refrained from shaking his head, wishing there was something he could tell Sonny, hell give Sonny to forget Ric ever existed in this world. "Sonny, if this is about Ric"

"No" he said shaking his head "This is about more than Ric. The good die with an alarmingly higher frequency than the bad, the good don't just die, those who live suffer and it doesn't make any sense. I used to believe that there was more to this world than just this world. I used to believe in God and heaven and I don't know if I do anymore. I'm worried Jason, what if this really is the end?" He kissed the flowers and placed them on her grave before standing.

"There's no way of knowing that Sonny" though in Jason's mind, he did have an answer, _the end was the end_, there was no proof otherwise, the world made sense in Jason's mind, except for when he thought about losing those he loved, he couldn't understand how they would just end. 

"I'm longing for things Jason, things long put behind me; they're things I've learned to live without. I'm missing Stone so bad lately; I can almost hear his voice again. I keep thinking about what he'd say to me."

"What do you think he'd say?"

"That there's only one person who can fix this. He was narrow-minded; there was only one person whose arms I could go to feel that the world was okay. When Stone told me he was dying there was only one set of arms that made me feel okay and mine where the only that her feel okay too."

"Brenda"

"Yea" he said shaking his head and wiping away his tears. "I called Robin when Karen died, even with Carly missing I called Robin to tell her. Karen was the start of that time in my life. She got my club shut down, but she brought Brenda into my world. There's nothing left of that time in my life in my life now, but it was the time that I was the happiest, which is pretty funny because there was a lot of shit going on. Brenda and I could be pure stress, but even then there could just be good times, there could be coming home with her barely speaking and finding Robin and Stone watching a movie in the living room…" He shakes his head, trying to shake out the memory that time was gone, it was over, he couldn't think about it. "Brenda's okay right? She's happy?"

"Yea she is; she's dating, pretty serious actually."

Sonny looked up surprised "Already?"

Jason smiled "Brenda needs a man Sonny; as much as she doesn't want to she needs that connection."

Sonny laughed, he knew it was true; he hated it sometimes, hell every time he didn't use his brain to think, which was quite often where Brenda was concerned. "If I could go back Jason I would have given Joe control of the territories after Frank died." He looked around the cemetery and waved his hand "This isn't worth it; the people that have died because of me, the people that have suffered because of me and the fact that my kids can't just be normal kids." He looked around once more and shook his head "It just isn't worth it."

Jason looked at him and pondered asking if it would be worth it if Brenda was by his side but refrained, he wondered though if Sonny believed Brenda would have done differently, if she wouldn't have killed Ric. He didn't know the answer, a person's freedom and that of their child's changed any equation. He was just glad that Brenda was far away in Seattle and happy there at last. He hoped Sonny would let her stay that way.


	4. Hidden Smiles, Forgotten Memories

Hidden Smiles, Forgotten Memories

Chapter Four

He heard the laughter without seeing the face. It confused him, it surprised him, it would make him angry, but for just a moment he stopped and listened to it and he smiled, a small discrete smile, he hoped he hid well from the world, but he didn't even realize to think that until it was gone and he remembered.... He knew as he listened that he should be angry, furious in fact, but sometimes he had missed that laughter, when it first left his life he craved it desperately. He would wake up thinking she was in the room with him or feeling invisible fingertips touch his back. It was never her though, it was just leftovers from a dream he couldn't remember, _he remembered so very few of his dream;,_ however, the doctors swore to him he did dream, they just didn't know why he almost never remembered them.

"Hey is that smile for me?"

He almost didn't notice Courtney walking towards him; he was so caught up in his thoughts and just listening to the continuous laughter. He recovered quickly and said the words he knew would make her happy "Every smile is for you." He was becoming good at the things he hated, the pointlessness of the world, but it pleased her. 

"Who would have known I married such a sweet talker?" She pressed her lips softly to his, but then as she pulled back asked "Is that AJ?" She groaned "Ugh, what a perfect way to end my oh-so fabulous day" she finished sarcastically. "Let's avoid a confrontation and not walk through the park"

He almost started to walk with her, but then he stopped and turned back, towards the voices…

"What the hell are you doing here?"

Robin and AJ looked up from their spots on the red and white checkered picnic blanket with a first shocked and then outraged expressions. It took Jason a moment to even see AJ though, at first all he saw was Robin smiling expression, how else was he supposed to respond to it, especially since it had been caused by AJ. There was something else he noticed just before AJ began his tirade and that was a baby sitting in a carrier. _ Whose baby was that? _Robin rushed to comfort the infant who had started crying immediately

"What the hell is wrong with you Jason? AJ jumped to his feet and looked down at Robin soothing the infant.

Jason looked at Robin again who now had the baby in her arms; an engagement ring reflected the sun at him, _was there also a wedding ring below it? _He looked at AJ again, he didn't say anything, Courtney didn't say anything, mostly because she had no idea what was going on. He looked down to AJ's hand; he didn't know why he looked, why would Robin and AJ get married? _Besides from hurting him that is_, he saw a ring there. _ Why was there a ring there?_

"Yea that's right Jason, Robin and I are married. That's our daughter, your niece, her name's Amanda."

Robin looked up from the baby and at the two brothers who looked ready to go to war "AJ" she said in a slightly pleading tone, she didn't want him antagonizing Jason.

Courtney looked down with her confused blue eyes and stared at the girl holding the child, she looked younger than herself, _how was that possible?_ Her eyes still retained that innocence that she knew she was losing at a frightening rate. She felt herself being taken in by this girl, but then she remembered Carly telling her about her, she'd used that innocence to manipulate Jason and ultimately caused him to lose Michael.

Jason looked down at Robin again "You married him?" he was inches away from losing control.

_She hated seeing him mad at her;_ she had never wanted to see him like this again, once was more than enough. 

"Leave Robin alone Jason" AJ said forcefully "We're married, we're living in Port Charles so you better get used to seeing us."

Robin continued to look like a deer caught in the headlights, she knew that this would happen; she thought she'd been prepared for it, but she wasn't. _You can never truly be prepared for this._

"You married AJ" he didn't question it this time and his tone had lowered quite a bit.

She nodded

"Why?"

"Why do people normally get married Jason?" AJ asked from next to him, Jason turned his head, ready to deck his brother.

As the two brothers stood eye to eye she was shocked by their similarities, she had almost forgotten were brothers after everything that had happened. "Don't" she was surprised to find her voice at all, she was more surprise at how forceful it sounded, not timid at all. "It's not like that Jason, I can't make you think it is."

Both of the men looked down at her, Courtney looked around for a seat, _today was proving to be just too much._

"Robin" AJ began

She shook her head "I know we decided to not tell anyone the truth, but I can't…I can't let you think I betrayed you Jason, I know that's how you're seeing this. It's not payback or anything like that. The past is in the past; at least it is for me."

AJ looked annoyed at that statement "I did not do this for revenge"

Robin laughed at his little boy tone, "I didn't say you did. Jason, AJ and I got married for custody of Amanda."

He looked down once more at the little girl asleep in Robin's arms; she couldn't be more than a few weeks old.

"My friend Sarah had cancer three years ago, they got it into remission, and she thought everything was fine, but they found it had returned when she was five months along. She had a choice the baby or try to fight the cancer again and the doctors didn't give her much hope for beating it this time."

He looked down at the baby again, so incredibly glad Robin and AJ hadn't come together to create her "What about her father?"

"Walked out when Sarah found out she was pregnant."

Anger surged though Jason as he heard that, he didn't realize he wasn't alone and every time AJ heard it too he wanted to track the guy down and smash his faced in.

"Sarah hated her family; she didn't want them to get the baby, so she asked me."

"If she gave you guardianship why did you marry him?" he glared at his brother and wondered how they could even have genes in common.

"When we told the lawyer about her parents and my medical condition she said they would win in court." She saw the look on his face, the confusion, the unfairness of it all "That's how the world is Jason, it sucks but it is. I told AJ and he offered to help, so we got married 3 months ago. AJ's been flying back and forth keeping up the pretense of us being a married couple."

Jason just looked at her, looked at her pleading eyes begging his forgiveness when even he knew there was nothing to forgive her for. He wondered sometimes, only sometimes what would have happened if he had done what she wanted and let Carly and Michael live apart from him. He knew more now than he did then, he knew just how unfair it truly was, so much could have been different. He felt Courtney's hand slip into his and he saw the hurt Robin was unable to hide and he shockingly didn't feel better. "Well then," he spoke "let me be the first to congratulate you on living a lie." He left them staring at him and knew right away he'd made a mistake.


	5. Wash Over Me

Wash Over Me

Chapter 5

He let the water wash over him, actually it was more of a pound, the water was as strong as it went and the temperature as hot as he could stand. _Robin was married to AJ, _it was all he could think of, and it was all he could do to stop himself from throwing up. Robin, _his Robin_, the first person to care about him, truly care about Jason Morgan, not Jason Quartermaine, the person who had taught him about good-bye and hundreds of other things that still seemed pointless, but that kept people happy. _Robin,_ the first person he'd made love with, it wasn't sex like it was with Carly, it was love, it was looking into her eyes, feeling her heartbeat as he held her close…_She was married to AJ_

He tried to console himself with that it was a marriage of convenience; they were only married because of Amanda. It didn't work though, he thought of Sonny and Carly, they had married because of a child and they had fallen in love, two people who shouldn't have worked together did. He thought of himself and Brenda, he may not have fallen in love with her, but he knew that they were now friends and he would do almost anything for her. _What would stop Robin and AJ from falling in love?_

He should his head sending water flying everywhere the shower didn't hit, _what the hell was he thinking?_

He groaned and buried his head under the showerhead. _It was just because she was here now._ It was the first time in years that he had seen her face, heard her voice that was why he felt like this. That was why it felt like it had at the bridge that final time they said goodbye. 

_Out of sight, out of mind_, that was how it had been for years, but now, she was here again…

He didn't know how to think, how to act, years may have passed since she told AJ, but right now it seemed like yesterday. It seemed like yesterday he said good-bye to her on that bridge, glad she was leaving because he knew he wouldn't be able to see her on a daily basis, but just days before that he had loved her, so deeply and so passionately, but he couldn't leave Michael…Michael had an even tighter hold on his heart than Robin.

He shook his head and laughed, Robin had always been warning him about Carly and everything she had said had come true. When Carly didn't get on the plane…when she went to the Q's…sleeping with AJ while she claimed to care so much about him and Sonny…

He shook his head once more, trying to eradicate the image of her walking down the stairs from his brain, over a year he spent trying to forget what he saw and he never could, eventually he had learned to ignore it. 

Coming home though and not being Michael's father anymore, that still hurt though. Every time he heard Jason look to Sonny for protection, for comfort, it hurt more than he would ever admit to anyone, he couldn't really blame that on Carly after all he had left, but he just couldn't stay in this town then, he couldn't stay here without doing something he would regret.

"You look troubled" He felt her arms slip around his waist and knew he had to push these thoughts from his head. He bent his head down and connected his lips to hers and prayed to forget. 


	6. Hardened Eyes

Chapter 6

_"So you're still in love with him"_

Robin's eyes connected with AJ's as she walked out of the nursery "Don't start AJ"

"What no I think it makes perfect sense to be in love with a guy that basically threw you out of town what 3 years ago, 4?"

"He did not throw me out of town."

"How often have you come back to town?"

She rolled her eyes _"AJ"_

"Please just humor me" he said following her down the stairs

She turned halfway down the stairs, anger in her eyes she told him "4 times AJ, a whopping total of four times. And I can admit I was stupid to stay away, I can admit I was even stupider to let **her** win."

His eyes glowed, "Her win? Why Robin, so much hatred for Carly? I can't imagine you talking about winning a person."

"Oh it was about more than Jason; with Carly it was **good versus evil**. I was a kid; I thought that after we broke up I had no choice but to leave. But I know something now that I wished I was able to understand then," she paused for a moment and let her eyes drop and then reconnect to his, softly she continued, "he still loved me and I hate her even more for that."

He was dumbstruck for a moment _What did she mean? What was she after?_ He then realized she had taken off towards the living room, his long stride caught up to her just as she reached the doorway. "What are you planning on doing?"

She turned and looked into his shocked expression and laughed breaking the heavy mood "Don't worry AJ, I won't be breaking up any marriages, I won't be locking anyone in secret rooms, but this is where I grew up. This is where my parents raised me, this is the final home my father had before he died, this is where I have family, this is where I want to raise Amanda and I will not be afraid of hurting Jason by my being in this town. I belong here as much as they do."

"How are you going to live day after day seeing them?"

"I'm not saying it's not going to hurt AJ, but the hurt will ease, it always does. I lost a stepfather, my father, my first love, real permanent things that don't come back. I may have lost Jason as my lover and my friend, but he is still here and for that simple reason I will learn to deal with it, if I could go on living in the town after I lost and I mean really lost everyone else, I can deal with this."

He shook his head "That's just the thing Robin, they were gone, there was nothing you could do about it…"

She cut him off, her normally soft brown eyes almost black "There's nothing I can or will do about Jason, he's married, I'm married, those are permanent things. So just drop it."

And so he did…For now


End file.
